At this current moment, I am being serenaded by the sighs and exclamations of the Violin Concerto No.3 in G major k.216 by Mozart. I am elated and I am reminiscing the time when Classical music was what I could play, what I thought I might actually be good at.
Music is the most emotional of languages, or for that matter, any form of art. Every note has the ability to bring you back to a time and place and sometimes, even a scent. As much as it stimulates my mind to contemplate the building blocks of how one song is made, the genius behind it, without fail, music been the manifestation of my heart and it makes up part of who I am. Forgive me for sounding ludicrously dramatic but truly, that is what music is to me.
I have always had a love for Classical music although my affinity towards it has been tainted by the years of hard work and pressure. The emphasis to practice and the expectation to play every note perfectly ever since I was a child. It become worse when I entered an arts school. I did not feel at all expressive as I practiced my Liszt piece. Sometimes, I would come home from a tough day at uni and slog away at the piano until it was time for bed. I remember the nervous break down I had before my first recital. How I was paralyzed by the fear of making a mistake while playing, how it would reflect on me and the faculty. How I felt I wasn't good enough. I just couldn't do it. There was too much of an expectation and I was not made to fulfill expectations.
Long story short, I decided to take a different route and delve into the unconventional and experimentation of Contemporary music. I am so happy that I took this step. It did require a lot of courage to battle through the doubters.One day in the arts school I was attending, my piano teacher expressed her utter distastefulness towards my inclination of wanting to explore Contemporary music. I remember how most of the classical faculty started treating me differently because I wanted to be different. I remember the doubt I had in myself, wondering if I was cut out to play Jazz.In retrospect, everyone is cut out to do whatever they set their minds to, if they would only put in the effort and be patient with themselves.
Listening to Chopin makes me want to rediscover Classical music again. This time, for myself and not to prove myself to my peers and lecturers. This time, for the sole joy of breathing each phrase and exhaling each cadence. I want to play again, not drill.
Here's to the road not taken, and the road to rediscovery.
