Twenty Fifteen

It was a year of realizations. It was a year of being in the wilderness. It was a year of immense love. It was the year I turned 21. 

Often I have envisioned myself blogging about my thoughts on the year that just passed. I played the words and sentences in my mind. I talked about my musings to my sister and made a mental note to blog about it. Now that I'm typing my thoughts and feelings out, I find that I don't have much to say. Everything in me is at peace. Still, I think it would be great to share a little bit about how 2015 has been to me and what I learnt.

Realizations can really hit you hard on the head or come down slowly and subtly on you like a caress. Oh my, the number of hits I received last year and the touches I felt were vast. 

Realizations that hit me on the head in 2015

• Friendships are seasonal. I used to think that the friends you make when you were at a certain age especially if you were close to them would stay on as the friends you would keep now in the present and future. Now, with experience and errors, I realize that friendships are seasonal as there a different seasons in time that we meet these people in our lives. They are there during the time you are both together. In that moment and time they are your closest. Slowly as time passes, both move on and keep in contact occasionally. I appreciate the closeness that came with being near one another, and I appreciate the distance too. As long as it was meaningful. I also came to this understanding that it's okay to outgrow people and move on from friendships.  

• Don't place meanings behind people. I feel deeply about people in my life and with that, I end up placing meanings behind them. Little did I know that what they mean to me in my life, I may not necessarily mean the same in their lives. When I discover wonderful people who have helped me grow and have been there for me and taught me things in life, I tend to give them a space in my heart. In that sense, I form an attachment with them. I end up making the effort to keep in contact with them, get them gifts, write letters, remember their birthdays. I thought that I meant something to them. That I too have a place in their worlds. I thought but I was wrong in a few instances. 

• Age is but a number. I don't know if it was because of the books I read or the movies I watched when I was younger but I ALWAYS thought that by the time I reach the age of 21, I would finally reach the prime time of my life where I would be deeply matured, magically good looking and stylish and my life would be a series of perfection. I wish I could slap myself internally for such silly thoughts! I am FAR from mature, decent looking and I still don't have an LBD. That doesn't mean I haven't grown with experience and lessons. I am not the same person I was 5 years ago. So much has changed with time. I now truly know that age is just a number.Also, I will NEVER be perfect. Get that in your head Rachel!

• Love.  What needs to be said about this? It speaks for itself.

The list goes on. 

Realizations that touched me subtly in 2015

• Give thanks. Especially after turning 21, I found myself being very ungrateful for all the blessings and lessons that came my way. I wanted things my way, strong willed as I am and stubborn. The realization hit me softly that I have taken His providence for granted. Few days ago, I decided I want to give thanks to God everyday and be more appreciative of the people around me and the little things in life.

• Be contented. Unhappiness came with the lack of thankfulness and appreciation in my life. It also came with me being overcritical of myself, looking down on how I was and being skeptical about everything I did and thought. 2016, I learn to be contented and at peace with myself. It is a process but I know I'll be okay.

• Let go. 

And love.